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capitalist america stole my creativity
i've returned from the war, aka my part time job. this sentence meaning that i work in three day shifts in the middle of the week and therefore every week i'm forced to spend ten hours of my day at a desk doing menial administrative work, desperately wishing i was at home to work on my fic.
it's super annoying having the strong urge to output something creatively because my actual soul is being ground into little dust particles at the gray sad depressing office i work in. if there's anything anyone needs to know it's that working a desk job in a cubicle will actually kill you and if you think you can settle for it as a career and find happiness outside of it instead, well you've got a big storm coming buddy. i've never hated anything more than this type of work and i used to be in customer service and fast food.
anyways, i wrote that to explain why i haven't posted the last couple of days. i barely wrote, although there was one memorable occasion yesterday where i smartly brought my laptop down with me and unsmartly forgot the charger so i wrote against the clock of my half dead computer battery. it helped a little though i'll be honest, i banged out like 4k words of smut. oh and by the way, i have to take my laptop down with me because i live in the city and work in a smaller town an hour away so rather than commute and drive like six hours total for the week, i just stay a couple nights with my family nearby. it's a pretty decent set up except that i have to sleep on the couch.
but capitalism makes me more concerned about gas costs than my physical health so here we are.
more importantly, my second wave of self-imposed nanowrimo style writing spree has been coming along decently. i really wanted this fic at least written down beginning to end before i have to leave for colorado in eight days but i'm not sure that's gonna be possible. unless i slap down like 20k words a day. which is a bit disheartening i have to say, although i'm gradually getting more comfortable with the idea that i'll easily be able to slip back into spn headspace when i come back from the trip (the trip being almost solely a means of holing up in a cabin to marathon all three seasons of hannibal). i'm actually more concerned about the fact that for the first time i won't be writing consistently.
though that is rectifiable, by just bringing my laptop and throwing out some scenes while i'm up there. it's kind of tempting because the atmosphere will be amazing, but my pack of siblings are all going and i don't know if i wanna try and explain to them i'm too busy writing about fictional brothers to entertain them. if i don't, the fic becomes marginally less likely to ever see its end. that's my biggest fear, is writing all these damn words and still not having a finished product to show for it, as i've said. so we'll see what anxiety inducing thing will win out by thursday.
if i can't finish the fic before the trip (a very likely scenario at this point) then i'll hope and pray i can get it done before my trip to europe at the end of the year. these self imposed goals feel so damning even though i know i can move them wherever i want. but i really wanted to take advantage of the holidays and the spn show hiatus to start posting this godawful monstrosity of a fic. if i have to wait until i return from europe and get it edited, it's gonna be a bad time. the thing is brushing up against 90k now and with my vague outline i'm thinking it'll end up somewhere in the 150k region.
i could pretty easily download it for editing on the flights to be quite honest, it would serve as a good way to keep me occupied for the nearly ten hour journey. but i was really hoping not to bring my laptop if only because i hate taking it out at airport security and the risk of losing it among all the hubbub is high. this laptop was stupid expensive and i'm still paying it off so i would literally die if that happened.
my sister has an ipad though and i could definitely edit on that thing better than my phone anyway, but she might not bring it for the same reason. i swear if i'm stuck trying to make my fic not ugly on a plane on my tiny ass phone screen i will scream into the void.
this is all getting way ahead of myself mind you. i haven't even finished the damn thing yet, hell i might end up spending my flight times trying to finish it on my phone wouldn't that be absolutely horrible.
well, this has been a semi coherent rant. i mostly just wanted to bemoan my current status in the behemoth fic writing process. i'm really hoping to get at least to the big climax scene of the actual fic plot by the end of this weekend though i said a similarly lofty goal last weekend and still haven't even met that at this moment in time (mainly because i keep adding in relationship stuff that nobody asked for except yes they did that's why they're gonna read it lbr).
so here i'll leave you, remaining extremely cautiously optimistic that i'll get to my lofty goal by monday night before work rolls back around and smacks me silly again.
it is the way.
it's super annoying having the strong urge to output something creatively because my actual soul is being ground into little dust particles at the gray sad depressing office i work in. if there's anything anyone needs to know it's that working a desk job in a cubicle will actually kill you and if you think you can settle for it as a career and find happiness outside of it instead, well you've got a big storm coming buddy. i've never hated anything more than this type of work and i used to be in customer service and fast food.
anyways, i wrote that to explain why i haven't posted the last couple of days. i barely wrote, although there was one memorable occasion yesterday where i smartly brought my laptop down with me and unsmartly forgot the charger so i wrote against the clock of my half dead computer battery. it helped a little though i'll be honest, i banged out like 4k words of smut. oh and by the way, i have to take my laptop down with me because i live in the city and work in a smaller town an hour away so rather than commute and drive like six hours total for the week, i just stay a couple nights with my family nearby. it's a pretty decent set up except that i have to sleep on the couch.
but capitalism makes me more concerned about gas costs than my physical health so here we are.
more importantly, my second wave of self-imposed nanowrimo style writing spree has been coming along decently. i really wanted this fic at least written down beginning to end before i have to leave for colorado in eight days but i'm not sure that's gonna be possible. unless i slap down like 20k words a day. which is a bit disheartening i have to say, although i'm gradually getting more comfortable with the idea that i'll easily be able to slip back into spn headspace when i come back from the trip (the trip being almost solely a means of holing up in a cabin to marathon all three seasons of hannibal). i'm actually more concerned about the fact that for the first time i won't be writing consistently.
though that is rectifiable, by just bringing my laptop and throwing out some scenes while i'm up there. it's kind of tempting because the atmosphere will be amazing, but my pack of siblings are all going and i don't know if i wanna try and explain to them i'm too busy writing about fictional brothers to entertain them. if i don't, the fic becomes marginally less likely to ever see its end. that's my biggest fear, is writing all these damn words and still not having a finished product to show for it, as i've said. so we'll see what anxiety inducing thing will win out by thursday.
if i can't finish the fic before the trip (a very likely scenario at this point) then i'll hope and pray i can get it done before my trip to europe at the end of the year. these self imposed goals feel so damning even though i know i can move them wherever i want. but i really wanted to take advantage of the holidays and the spn show hiatus to start posting this godawful monstrosity of a fic. if i have to wait until i return from europe and get it edited, it's gonna be a bad time. the thing is brushing up against 90k now and with my vague outline i'm thinking it'll end up somewhere in the 150k region.
i could pretty easily download it for editing on the flights to be quite honest, it would serve as a good way to keep me occupied for the nearly ten hour journey. but i was really hoping not to bring my laptop if only because i hate taking it out at airport security and the risk of losing it among all the hubbub is high. this laptop was stupid expensive and i'm still paying it off so i would literally die if that happened.
my sister has an ipad though and i could definitely edit on that thing better than my phone anyway, but she might not bring it for the same reason. i swear if i'm stuck trying to make my fic not ugly on a plane on my tiny ass phone screen i will scream into the void.
this is all getting way ahead of myself mind you. i haven't even finished the damn thing yet, hell i might end up spending my flight times trying to finish it on my phone wouldn't that be absolutely horrible.
well, this has been a semi coherent rant. i mostly just wanted to bemoan my current status in the behemoth fic writing process. i'm really hoping to get at least to the big climax scene of the actual fic plot by the end of this weekend though i said a similarly lofty goal last weekend and still haven't even met that at this moment in time (mainly because i keep adding in relationship stuff that nobody asked for except yes they did that's why they're gonna read it lbr).
so here i'll leave you, remaining extremely cautiously optimistic that i'll get to my lofty goal by monday night before work rolls back around and smacks me silly again.
it is the way.