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etus amor non sentit rubiginem (old love does not know rust)
excusing the pretentious title. it's early in the AM before i have to leave for work and i was mindlessly musing about things and people i've loved in the past, in the fandom sense. all my loves appearing in my dark past, from animated characters to real life people like actors and singers, there's so much i've outgrown or moved past to throw my attention and love at the newer shinier thing.
this is really noticeable for me, when it comes to the memories of having loved something so much and with so much attention, and thinking about how now i don't even spare it a stray thought in a given year. i've been really musing on it because when i got into kpop back in 2015 about the time that i was falling out of love with what was left of supernatural and teen wolf and dreading the coming doom of nbc hannibal, i was positively enamored with the talented boy group exo.
i consumed everything about this bunch of dorks in about a month, memorizing their names and their faces (at the time there were 10 members so you can imagineヽ(°〇°)ﾉ ) and downloading every single song and tv appearance of theirs i could find. probably people might think i'd lost my damn mind and i might as well have. my entire life was taken over and before i knew it a couple months had passed as i frolicked happily around in fandom, reading fics and reblogging gifsets of all these cute losers. but in just as much time, on a fateful day in april i came across another boy group (bts, need it be said) and like a faithless lover i gradually withdrew my affection from exo until i barely spared them a glance.
this is all very melancholic and i can cite many factors outside of being a disloyal hoe, like how exo wasn't as active and their music began to drift from my taste, but the crux of the matter is that i jumped ship quite literally. now, this is relevant today in the tail end of 2018 because i've had what me and my sister like to call, an exo renaissance, triggered by a 2.1hr long youtube compilation of their performances that we watched on a whim about a week ago. and, like those carefree days in a cool early march, i've found myself absolutely taken with them all. it's like getting into them for the first time all over again, complete with the marathoning of music stages and variety shows for days on end.
with this in mind, i am suddenly struck with the immitigable urge to write fic (after having spent these last few days binge reading them all again). i have all these tiny seeds sprouting like little uninvited weeds in my uncultivated idea garden, not unexpected with my lack of care and yet greeted with suspicion all the same. i'm coming off a rough and embarrassing defeat in nanowrimo last month, having started a particularly ambitious fic (in bts, a witch jimin/jungkook au if you're curious) that capped out my creative energy around 27k words. it's not anywhere near finished but it certainly drained my reserves and now my fingers are itching for a distraction, something lighthearted and fun and new, and right now exo is that.
it doesn't help that the ships i originally shipped back in 2015 have been thoroughly replaced by new otps, and not to be an even more disloyal hoe, but even my bias (or favorite member for the uninitiated) is a different person. honestly, can i be blamed when a whole do kyung soo is out here existing? i want to go see his new movie in theaters this weekend, even. i've completely lost it.
anyways, expect some kind of fic to come out of this entire foray into the past and future of old loves. i think i may post more about it here because i don't see the merits of fighting it. i should accept any and all creative inspirations no matter where they're crawling out of since my lazy, unmotivated ass can't be bothered to write anything anymore unless the muse is dragging my carcass into the sunlight of creative expression and beating me with my own depression umbrella (╥﹏╥)
this is really noticeable for me, when it comes to the memories of having loved something so much and with so much attention, and thinking about how now i don't even spare it a stray thought in a given year. i've been really musing on it because when i got into kpop back in 2015 about the time that i was falling out of love with what was left of supernatural and teen wolf and dreading the coming doom of nbc hannibal, i was positively enamored with the talented boy group exo.
i consumed everything about this bunch of dorks in about a month, memorizing their names and their faces (at the time there were 10 members so you can imagineヽ(°〇°)ﾉ ) and downloading every single song and tv appearance of theirs i could find. probably people might think i'd lost my damn mind and i might as well have. my entire life was taken over and before i knew it a couple months had passed as i frolicked happily around in fandom, reading fics and reblogging gifsets of all these cute losers. but in just as much time, on a fateful day in april i came across another boy group (bts, need it be said) and like a faithless lover i gradually withdrew my affection from exo until i barely spared them a glance.
this is all very melancholic and i can cite many factors outside of being a disloyal hoe, like how exo wasn't as active and their music began to drift from my taste, but the crux of the matter is that i jumped ship quite literally. now, this is relevant today in the tail end of 2018 because i've had what me and my sister like to call, an exo renaissance, triggered by a 2.1hr long youtube compilation of their performances that we watched on a whim about a week ago. and, like those carefree days in a cool early march, i've found myself absolutely taken with them all. it's like getting into them for the first time all over again, complete with the marathoning of music stages and variety shows for days on end.
with this in mind, i am suddenly struck with the immitigable urge to write fic (after having spent these last few days binge reading them all again). i have all these tiny seeds sprouting like little uninvited weeds in my uncultivated idea garden, not unexpected with my lack of care and yet greeted with suspicion all the same. i'm coming off a rough and embarrassing defeat in nanowrimo last month, having started a particularly ambitious fic (in bts, a witch jimin/jungkook au if you're curious) that capped out my creative energy around 27k words. it's not anywhere near finished but it certainly drained my reserves and now my fingers are itching for a distraction, something lighthearted and fun and new, and right now exo is that.
it doesn't help that the ships i originally shipped back in 2015 have been thoroughly replaced by new otps, and not to be an even more disloyal hoe, but even my bias (or favorite member for the uninitiated) is a different person. honestly, can i be blamed when a whole do kyung soo is out here existing? i want to go see his new movie in theaters this weekend, even. i've completely lost it.
anyways, expect some kind of fic to come out of this entire foray into the past and future of old loves. i think i may post more about it here because i don't see the merits of fighting it. i should accept any and all creative inspirations no matter where they're crawling out of since my lazy, unmotivated ass can't be bothered to write anything anymore unless the muse is dragging my carcass into the sunlight of creative expression and beating me with my own depression umbrella (╥﹏╥)